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The Dirty Feeling

I have that sinking feeling that something very important is slipping away, and is out of my control. I don't like it when anything about my life is beyond my control. Or is it? Maybe it's just that I try to achieve things that are not meant to be mine?

Gotta be strong.

Want to be wrong.

I hate being as expressive as I am. If I don't express myself - I feel trapped. If I do - I wish I didn't. 

"Ships that pass in the night, and speak each other in passing, Only a signal shown, and a distant voice in the darkness; So on the ocean of life, we pass and speak one another, Only a look and a voice, then darkness again and a silence." - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Praying for peace.


And there was light

Okay first, I see that my last post (which was over a year back) ended with a note on my swimming lessons. *sigh*

Alas, that did not happen the way I intended it to be. I blacked out in the middle of the pool on day two and developed a phobia of swimming and swimming pools. So far I haven't tried my hand at learning to swim again.

But! In between this time I did go white water rafting in the vehement waters of Ganga in Rishikesh - and that too when her waters were at their ferocious best in the middle of September and just a day after earthquake and rain in the region. Now it may not sound like a big deal, but oh it so was a huge deal for me. I for one, had made peace with the fact that I was not getting out alive that day; while praying every minute of the 2 and half hours that the raucous ride end right there. Right then. But here I am. I love the fact that I did that. I love the fact that I was so close to nature and was at her mercy. I love the fact, that she taught me to have more faith. 

During the time that went past between my last post and this, I also became a happier person. I made good decisions. I met beautiful people. I took charge of my life, I saw beautiful places and I felt beautiful inside. I lived. For the first time I began the journey of satisfying my wanderlust. I have nobody else but a naive stranger to thank. The past year, has been the most beautiful year of my life.

Yes, things not so pleasant also happened. But I had strength to deal with them. And it's alright. I remember that as I wrote my last post, I felt I was turning into this cynic, bitter, uninterested person. But I survived. I am positive once again. And it feels good to be alive. I am grateful, for I am now a wiser person. I am now a happier person.

You cannot undermine the importance of distancing yourself from negative people. I don't judge. Not good. Not bad. Negative. One who sees the flip side of everything you do, everything you eat, everything you are, everything that was, everything that is and everything that will be. As time goes by and you continue to be in the shadow of negativism; you find yourself getting accustomed to it. That is the second mistake you're committing. Don't get accustomed. Leave.

Happiness is worth putting up a fight for. Stand up for for what is right. You're not an alternative. Nobody is better at being you than you are. 

Fear less, hope more, have faith, love more, be good, give more, worry less, hug more, expect less, respect more, whine less, laugh more, regret less, travel more. And you're good to go. :)

Life goes by faster than you realize, make yourself a happier person.




What is nagging?

Persistent fault finding.

Everything that annoys you is not nagging. Maybe you're annoyed because you choose to be annoyed. Does it bother you? yes. Does it bother me? Yes, even more so.

Is Questioning and Nagging the same thing?
No. Which questions do you feel are nagging? The one's that make you uncomfortable. Maybe attacking the questioner (Q) isn't the best way to react. Consider that the question may just have been an honest innocent question.

Attacking Q causes only damage... to you and him. Attack may back him off... but leave him wounded. And is your discomfort cured by doing that? No it isnt.

How do you want Q to react?

Will you be happy if Q also launches an assault? No. that will lead to more discomfort, more stress, negativity.

Would you rather have Q break down and become upset since you attacked? Does that make you happy? No. Do you think that Q is pretending to be sad and upset to calm you down? And to do damage control for he has been exposed? Do you fall for all that? No. Is Q not intelligent enough to know you won't fall for that? Ofcourse he is. So does he still use those tactics? No.

If Q is not asking questions, and trying to overcome the sadness and not asking uncomfortable questions, is he just hiding his real self so that he can control you and then launch an attack again? No. Q wants peace. He wouldn't bother scheming that much. Firing uncomfortable questions is easier.
Does he still have questions in him? yes. why is he not asking them? Because the attacks you launch make it tough for both of you,

What do you do if Q is not asking uncomfortable questions?

Does Q entire being circle around making you uncomfortable? No. Do you be nice to Q and appreciate him, or do you wonder where the uncomfortable questions are? If you wonder, are you happy they aren't there? If you are not, why? What would make you happy? Tell Q, he'll do that.

If you are, would you look around and try to bring up the questions again? Will you dig deep until you find the questions? and if you don't see them will you attack Q again? why?

Q wants to be happy. Q wants you to be happy.

Q can either ask questions or not ask questions. Q doesn't mean any harm.

I've tried so hard my dear to show
That you're my every dream
Yet you're afraid each thing I do
Is just some evil scheme...

...In anger unkind words are said
That make the teardrops start
Why can't I free your doubtful mind
And melt your cold cold heart


P.S. began my swimming lessons today, and I was pretty good. I can float and let go of the poles for a couple of seconds :) Girlfriends around are supportive. Another week and I'd be ready to hit the waves! (yeah right!! :D)

Writer's Block: Heart to Heart

Valentine's Day: love it or hate it?
Don't really care enough to love it or hate it.

The love all around is pleasant, but the bright reds and pinks and all the overdone PDA hurts my eyes.

Writer's Block: Adult Onset

Putting legal definitions aside, at what age do you think someone can really be considered an adult?
Depends on who we're talking about. There are people who don't act like adults at 30+. So legal is the only way we can define it if we have to assign a boundary

Cold Cold Heart

I've recently taken to listening to jazz.. And i feel i've been missing out on something for long by not discovering this before. Even if there are no lyrics, it feels that someone out there understands just what i am thinking. Norah Jones is precious. 

I tried so hard my dear to show that you're my every dream 
Yet you're afraid each thing I do is just some evil scheme 
A memory from your lonesome past keeps us so far apart 
Why can't I free your doubtful mind and melt your cold cold heart 

Another love before my time made your heart sad and blue 
And so my heart is paying now for things I didn't do 
In anger unkind words are said that make the teardrops start 
Why can't I free your doubtful mind,and melt your cold cold heart 

There was a time when I believed that you belonged to me 
And now I know your heart is shackled to a memory 
The more I learn to care for you, the more we drift apart 
Why can't I free your doubtful mind and melt your cold cold heart
I'm trying to keep the faith.


Lonestar where are you out tonight? 
This feeling I'm trying to fight 
It's dark and I think that I would give anything 
For yout o shine down on me 

How far you are I just don't know 
The distance I'm willing to go 
I pick up a stone that I cast to the sky 
Hoping for some kind of sign 

Writer's Block: Tricky Questions

What is your first reaction when someone says "I need to talk to you"?
If it's a friend..
"Uhhmmmm okaaaaayyyyy? Is everything fine?"

If it's the boss...
(Has the recession finally hit me?)

If it's someone who thinks he's a friend..
(Oh god noooo!!! I do not want to be the agony aunt!!!!)
"Uhhmmmm okaaaaayyyyy? Is everything fine?" :D

If it's the landlord..
(Shit, the rent's shooting up again)

If it's the roommate...
(What did we break now?!!)

If it's a colleague...
(ooooh... juicy piece of gossip coming up!)

And so on...  Adios!


January 13, 2009

Taurus: It's not possible to be friends with everyone, so why even try? Today, you should stop wasting all of your energy trying to charm someone who just doesn't seem to get where you are coming from. Instead, put your energy toward the people who deserve your time -- the people who laugh at your jokes, applaud your successes, and are always there when you need them. Winning someone over might make your ego feel good for a minute or so, but it's a hollow victory.

I really wanted to write this somewhere. I dont think this is my fortune for the day, but i sure agree with this.

Conspiracy Theory

““When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.””

 Paulo Coelho quotes (Mystical author, one of Brazil's most successful novelist)


[And I'm beginning to believe in that]